we need to talk about desirability because it endangers our lives. we need to talk about how we feel ugly and hideous and so unfuckable/undateable and how that pushes us to accept the scraps of crumbs off people’s laps. how someone’s flirting makes us feel special, and soon we’re kissing and touching and maybe fucking but this isn’t what we truly want. we like the touching, we like this because we’re told that when someone kisses you it means they like you. it means you’re pretty and worthy of someone’s attention. it means you are valid. you are validated by sex and desire.
we need to talk about how desirability shoves women/femmes into sex work because they might feel that no one would love or touch them otherwise.
we need to talk about how desirability makes us feel after a few months, a year, two years of not going on a date or having sex makes us crave that kind of attention. how we allow someone we feel lukewarm towards into the altars of our bodies just to feel pretty for maybe a moment, a few minutes, a night.
we need to talk about how desirability is tied into white supremacy. how ugly we are is justifies violence in a court system and in our communities (including feminist / QTPOC communities)
we need to talk about how desirability plays into rape and abuse culture. “that ugly bitch deserved it” is something i’ve heard and something that should have never been spoken.
we need to talk about this because too many people are being abused and exploited because of their beauty, ugliness, and all the nastiness in between.
alive for femme-on-femme action
- White Gay man: "I hate how white girls accessorize gay men."
- White Gay man: *Accessorizes black women*
If I look up “carrot” in the dictionary, most people will acknowledge I do not know all there is to know about carrots and if I truly want to understand carrots, I should probably pick up a horticultural text book. We know that legal and medical terms are going to be, at best, simplistically represented and know we need to find a lawyer or a doctor if we want to know more. Anyone deciding to base their argument on, say, a philosophical concept or term using the dictionary is going to be laughed at at best, or automatically lose whatever argument they’re trying to make at least.
Yet the minute we move into a social justice framework, the ultimate authority changes. We don’t need lived experience, we don’t need experts who have examined centuries of social disparities and discrimination, we don’t need societal context. We don’t need sociology or history – no, we have THE DICTIONARY! That ultimate tome of oracular insight, the last word on any debate!
It’s patently ridiculous and you can see that by applying it to any other field of knowledge. But the privileged will continually trot out simplistic, twitter-style dictionary definitions as if they are the last word and the ultimate authority. No-one would drag out the dictionary to debate science with a scientist. But they’re more than willing to trot out a dictionary definition of racism over any sociological analysis. A dictionary is not the ultimate authority - they’re a rough guide for you to discover the simple meaning of words you’ve never heard before – not an ultimate definition of what the word means and all its contexts.— Womanist Musiings: The Dictonary and Marginalised People (via afrometaphysics)
Stay away from gay people who don’t want to be gay on front of children.Stay away from straight “allies” who would rather you hide you’re gay in front of their kids.